By Siobhain Crosbie
I am going to write this letter to you, the bully. Are you happy, really happy, confident and is life treating you brilliantly because I suspect it isn’t.
I’ve been thinking about you and I realised that you hurt others because it makes you feel good, now why would hurting others make YOU feel good.
I thought to myself, it’s because it is you that doesn’t feel good, it has to be, you may not completely understand this, but you find it funny that you can make someone feel bad, the only person that would find it funny is someone who knows what it is like to feel bad, only do you really think about how you feel?, do you really think about your life?, do you have a great relationship with your parents?, can you talk to them about anything?, will they support you and you know this?, have they always been there for you?, have you moved around a lot in life, making friendships, losing them?
Do you feel happy with the way you look or would you like to be prettier, better looking?, do you get on with your brothers and sisters or do you fight all the time?, do you get good grades in school or is it hard to concentrate? And do you feel stupid when you get things wrong, what's going on in your life that makes you think it's ok to make someone else feel bad?
Are you really truthful with yourself over what you think, because I am not sure you are.
Let me help you understand.........well firstly when we want someone to feel bad about themselves, when we intimidate someone or tease them mercilessly or hit them when we get the opportunity, it is usually because we are angry with someone else, have you been hit and do you think it's great when you have been hit?, has someone been nasty to you, but you couldn't do anything back?, do you get to do what you want when you want how you want because no one really has the time for you?. Can you go out late at night because no one really cares where you are or what you are doing as they are too busy doing stuff that stops them thinking about you and do you really like this?. Have you been picked on and yet couldn't do anything at the time, but now your bigger you can, so you think it's ok to do the same to someone else?
All of this must have made you angry at some point or maybe very upset because being angry and saying what you really think might make things worse, but I guarantee you any of the things i have mentioned must make you feel upset in some way.
By hurting someone else you are taking out how you feel about yourself and your life on another person and trying to make them feel the way you might have done at some point.....Is this really the right way to make yourself feel good?, do you really want someone to die because you hurt them so much they couldn't cope?....Is life, someone's life so insignificant because you feel insignificant?
One day will you look back and think about what you did?. will you have the intelligence to look back and see what you have done or is your life so bad that you really do not care what you do when you do it and how you hurt someone, because if you cannot even recognise the guilt you should feel then I feel sorry for you, pity that you don't have the intelligence to understand, compassion for the life that you must be leading because it surely cannot be a happy life, if you are so willing to make someone else unhappy.
Psychologically we say you are projecting your internal anger onto another because it makes you feel strong by hurting someone else, which also means you NEED to feel strong which really means you feel deep down inadequate and you may not even have the understanding to know this which is the true shame as if you don't understand you will keep doing it and it will make you feel good, but it won't fix the reason you feel bad in the first place and the feeling good will not last forever.
Where are your brains to actually know the difference between right or wrong or did no one teach you, or did you only get taught by angry people how to be angry....this is your life, it is not the person you bully that is at fault, but do you have the sense to see what I am saying...does it make any kind of sense to you?
Whatever the case is I hope you stop and think about why you are enjoying pushing someone to feel bad about you and themselves, I hope you understand that person could die as a result of your life and your problems and I hope that you will feel guilt if that happens, but I hope more, that you will think about this and stop bullying so that you never have to feel THAT guilty about anything you do as living with THAT would be awful I am sure.
I hope you think about the things I have asked you and I hope that if anything I have said to you might be true I hope you go to your school office and ask to speak to the school counsellor and get an appointment. I hope that you try to change how you behave and get help for the problems that you have as EVEN you the bully should not have to live with the guilt of making someone die from your actions or make them feel bad for years because of you.
Did you know you can go to see your doctor and tell him/her what you think and feel and you can call childline and talk to them too, you don't have to be 8, 9 or 10 to ring them you can be under 18 and their number is 0800 1111. You can talk to your teachers or an adult that you trust, maybe your parents will help you get help so if you can talk to them then that would be a good start.
You don't have to tell anyone you are bullying, but you can talk to them about the problems you have and get the right kind of help rather than making a problem for someone else.
I hope my letter to you helps and I wish you the intelligence to understand that I write this to help YOU, the bully to stop being a bully.